Remember when it was all so new? Holding hands, our first kiss, crawling into bed together after the wedding. We were eager, excited, and expectant for everything in store. We knew to expect hardship and challenges, but we didn’t know what shape or form they would take. We never imagined a tragic death would claim my brother and forever alter our family. Nothing could have prepared us for a child with a disability, and a life marked by Down syndrome. We had no idea we would lose two of our babies before they ever took a breath. We didn’t know how often you would travel for work, the number of…

I will be the first to admit I often sabotage our alone time. My expectations are high: we must go deep, fast; meaningful connection is mandatory; and we can’t afford to waste time with light-hearted conversation. It can go something like this: Me: (Silently hoping we can discuss the current state of our marriage, set goals, or do a deep dive into our feelings), I will ask, “What are you thinking about?” Him: “I’m trying to figure out what color to put on the body of my motorcycle.” Instantly, I’m disappointed and concerned and thinking, oh my goodness our marriage is crumbling. We only have this one date and we’re…

We sit in the living room at the end of the day. He leans his head against the back of the chair, feet propped on the reclining chair, eyes closed. I settle into my spot and sigh. We conquered the bedtime routine. Finally, a few moments to enjoy an uninterrupted conversation. About three sentences into our much needed alone time, a child emerges from the downstairs bedroom. “I’m thirsty.” So, we fill the cup, return him to bed, and start again. Three minutes later, we hear footsteps on the stairs. “My lips are chapped.” She rifles through her backpack for the chapstick, then pauses to give us both another hug.…

Someone recently asked: How can I encourage my husband to lead our family spiritually, without nagging him? This is such a great question, and one I’ve wrestled with over the years. We could talk about it from a number of angles, but one practical way I’ve learned to navigate it is this: Ask rather than tell. Curiosity is always a much less threatening approach. And oftentimes, our husbands desire to lead our families in gospel-growth, but they either aren’t sure how to do it, feel ill-equipped, or lack creativity. We have the privilege of respectfully and lovingly, helping them lead. Here are some questions to get you started: How do…

I remember sitting in the auditorium with my jaw in my hand and my eyes bulging. I had been asked to speak on a panel with several other single women, during a conference on sexual intimacy. But between the time they asked me to participate, and the actual event, I agreed to marry my husband. As a newly engaged woman, they invited me to sit in on the sessions for married women. It was an eye-opening experience, to say the least. Both main speakers were offering advice and practical tips on how to create time for sex and ways to keep it creative. Their words shocked me. My husband-to-be and…

May we never forget our greatest pursuit. There aren’t many books I have read and loved on marriage. So, when I find a good one, I like to recommend it. Married for God: Making Your Marriage the Best It Can Be, is at the top of my list. This is Day 10 of a series: A Diligent Wife

I was taking out the garbage one day, and noticed something small emerging from the ground. When I bent over and pulled back the dirt, I found a tiny hydrangea bush, and I was shocked. Earlier that summer, I haphazardly plopped a hydrangea bush in the ground right next to the recycling bins, and promptly forgot about it. It was not my smartest gardening move, but in spite of my negligence, this little plant was holding her own.  Unfortunately, I treat various aspects of my life in the same way I treated this plant. In my neglect and forgetfulness, I can easily fail to invest in the things I know…

I remember his words like it was yesterday. We were planning our honeymoon, and my husband said, “I want to go somewhere where we can mingle with the locals.” I had more of a five-star resort in mind. Lush bedding, a gorgeous view, a private spot on the beach, time with my husband, and no one else. Except maybe an occasional visit from room service or housekeeping. Clearly, our ideas of a honeymoon were vastly different.  Eventually, we reached a compromise and found a quiet hotel in southern Belize. We rented a car at the airport and drove several hours through the mountains, dodged potholes on dirt roads, and carefully…

A few years ago, I asked Bradley to help me with a major diaper blowout. He was eager and willing to help, but I quickly became irritated because he wasn’t actually helpful. I had to give him step-by-step instructions on how to put a diaper underneath the baby and use extra wipes to clean up the mess. It didn’t matter that this was our sixth baby and he’s changed hundreds of diapers over the past twelve years. Well, a few days later, he asked me to get a nail gun and hot galvanized nails for our fence repair project. It took me two trips to Home Depot and Harbor Freight,…

I’m embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve looked over at my husband and wondered what’s wrong with him. Usually, my thoughts go like this: If he would just be…Why can’t he…How could he… You too? It’s so easy to judge another person’s faults before our own. So, we stomp our feet, slam cabinet doors, scrub the dirty pan a little more vigorously, or give our husbands the silent treatment. The man across the room might not hear us mumble under our breath or let out a theatrical sigh, but God does. Sometimes we’re more direct. We hurl accusations, point fingers, and list off our grievances. We’re quick to become…