• On Being a Mom in the Midst of Grief

    It was a typical Friday at the end of summer.  I wrangled the kids around the table, poured cereal and milk into bowls, wiped the kitchen counter, and sprayed the crack in the floor where the ants were coming in.  I threw the laundry in the dryer, a load I accidentally left in the washing machine overnight. The three year old settled into my lap to hear a story while the older girls played legos at the table.  Mid-morning, I applied sunscreen to six faces and we went to our favorite beach spot. The baby chased seagulls and the big kids asked me to count how long they could hold…

  • How to feel your pain when life goes on

      People said some lovely things to us when we first learned that Mason had Down syndrome.  I know their intentions were good and they wanted to encourage us with comments like, “God only gives special kids to really special people,” and “It takes such wonderfully kind people to raise kids like this, so it’s obvious why God chose you.”  “What a gift you’ve been given and how great it is that God chose you to be Mason’s mom and dad.”   Yes!  Absolutely we were given a gift in Mason, a great one, and I have always loved him in more ways than he’ll ever know.  I felt that…

  • For those who feel the tension of grief and joy

      This is our seventh Christmas without my brother.  He would be 26 now, probably married, and as much as he loved kids, he most likely would have been trying to keep up with the size of our family.  Christmas is always bittersweet; all the holidays and family gatherings are.  There will always be a void, an empty seat, painful reminders of his absence.     I’m not an expert on grief, but if there’s anything I’ve learned through loss, it’s that somehow grief and joy can coexist.     This used to make me feel guilty.  I remember clearly the day I arrived at my parents’ house, the day…