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When the burden feels too heavy

Last Sunday night we were enjoying a beautiful evening in the backyard.  It was the end of spring break and we had spent a great week with Bradley’s parents in Pennsylvania.  After a month of sickness, we were all healthy and ready to jump back into a normal routine of life.

And then, as I was getting dinner ready for the kids, Bradley came into the house carrying Mason and I knew something wasn’t right.  “I’m pretty sure he broke his leg.  I can feel something moving in there,” Bradley calmly told me.  Once we realized there was no way we could put Mason into the carseat, we called 911, and within a few minutes an ambulance was parked outside the front door and they were wheeling a very frightened Mason off to the ER.

Bradley finally got home later that night and carried Mason into the house.  It was scary to see my little boy with a cast that covered one and a half legs and went clear up to his chest.  He would most likely have to wear it for seven weeks.  I cried.  Bradley and I clung to each other for a few minutes.  And at 2:30 that morning, after Bradley gave me the details of the hospital visit, he looked at me and said, “We are going to need help.”

We didn’t know what that would look like or even exactly what we needed, but it was clear the days (and possibly nights) were going to be very long.

 

It has been a hard ten days.  Mason can’t always tell us what he needs and he doesn’t know how to communicate his pain.  Sometimes we interpret correctly, other times it takes 10 minutes just to figure out that he wanted a different baby doll than the one given.  Cooper hasn’t been sleeping well.  So on top of the emotional and mental exhaustion of caring for Mason, I am sleepy.  Maybe weary is the best word.

I’ve been reading through the book of Numbers, and on Monday morning, after praying and asking God to help me look to Him throughout my days, I read the next chapter in my study.  I think when you read it, you’ll understand why I laughed, and cried.  

The Israelites had been out of Egypt for about 2 years, and were just beginning their trek to the Promised Land.  God had delivered them from slavery and was providing for their needs.  But it wasn’t good enough.  Numbers 11:1 says, “And the people complained in the hearing of the LORD about their misfortunes.” They were tired of the manna.  “Give us meat,” they said.  

Moses was fed up and overwhelmed by the enormity of his task:  caring for and shepherding the people of Israel.

So, what does he do?  He talks to the Lord, and I can almost hear the tone of voice he must have had as he spoke these words:

Why have you dealt ill with your servant?  And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me?  Did I conceive all this people?  Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child, to the land that you swore to give their fathers’?  Where am I to get meat to give to all this people?  For they weep before me and say, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’  I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me” (Numbers 11:11-14)

Now, clearly, my situation is different from Moses.  I DID conceive and give birth to all of my children.  I chose to have them, I get that.  But I can completely relate to Moses’ feeling of inadequacy. 

And. maybe I’m just a little bit fed up with the endless needs and demands.

Sometimes the burden just feels too heavy.

I love what God does for Moses next because He doesn’t just leave Moses hanging.  He comes up with a plan.  

He has Moses choose 70 elders from among the people and then God says:  “I will take some of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them, and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you may not bear it yourself alone” (11:17).

God provided a way for Moses’ burden to feel lighter.  He gave Moses the gift of others. Community.   People who would be empowered by the Spirit to help him carry his heavy load.

This is what God is doing for me right now. 

I’ve never been good at asking for help and I’m sometimes even worse at receiving it.  But God is revealing to me (again) the importance of letting Him use others to minister to my needs.

People, some I don’t even know very well, are bringing us meals.

Mason is basically home-bound, so church friends are available on various days to run errands for me.

A sweet friend purchased supplies and put together sensory bins for Mason to use because goodness knows he’s going to go crazy not being able to move around for 7 weeks!  He’s also unable to attend therapy with his cast, so these activities will be a great substitute.  

Friends are speaking truth into my life, allowing me to cry and hugging me when I just want to give up.

Our parents are taking turns staying with us which has been such a blessing!  Having extra hands during the day when Bradley is at work has been a lifesaver.

A package from a faraway friend arrived yesterday.  She said it was a box of random stuff, but it was the greatest random stuff ever and her extreme thoughtfulness lifted my spirits.

Emails, letters, gift cards in the mail, and a friend who had pizza delivered the other night are other ways that God has been meeting our needs. In this recommendation we have the needyeezy boost 350 black
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The load feels a lot lighter when we carry it together.

 

I’m learning.  Or at least I hope I’m learning.  To receive help, to ask for help, and to allow others to be used by God to help with my load.

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3 Comments

  • Reply Jenn A

    Said a prayer for you all and Mason after reading this.

    April 15, 2016 at 8:34 am
  • Reply laurenwasher.com - How to Embrace a New Normal

    […] had a chance to get out of the house that day, as I was still trying to figure out how to care for Mason in his cast. […]

    December 4, 2016 at 3:57 pm
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