A letter to Moms who have come before me and to those who come behind

Dear Mom,

I thought I knew what it would be like to be in your shoes.  I watched you kiss your children, wipe the tears from their eyes, and snuggle them close.  I wanted to have that same bond, and I looked forward with great anticipation when I would have a baby of my own.   Your devotion to your children was always inspiring and brought a thrill to my heart that I would never forget.

As sweet and tender as you were, though, I also couldn’t help but question some of your methods.  I saw your children with the snot on their faces, the mismatched outfits and uncombed hair.  I witnessed the tantrums in the store–the whining, arguing and disrespectful tones–and I judged.  I said in my heart, “My kids will never be like that.  Tolerating that kind of behavior will just not happen in my family.”

I watched you wrangle your young ones and instead of trying to understand what might be happening beneath the surface, I jumped to conclusions about your inability to parent well and vowed to be different.

I’m sorry for judging you.  I apologize for assuming that you didn’t have things under control.  I apologize for being insensitive to your needs, your burdens, your daily sacrifices that wore you down.  I’m sorry for not asking what things were really like and instead labeling you as a bad– or inexperienced–Mom.

I get it now.  I understand that approaching motherhood and fleshing it out are two completely different things.  I had ideas of what raising my children would look like.  Lofty goals of keeping all my little people together in perfect appearance and behavior every day.    We would eat healthy, never watch TV, brush our hair, wipe faces, potty train by the age of 2, read by age 4, all while memorizing Scripture from the time they could talk and hosting gatherings to inspire other families.

It’s not possible to maintain all of my lofty ideals and practically live out life with children.

I’m the Mom I always judged.  My kids are the ones who are often without shoes in public places, snot caked to their eyebrows, and hair that’s sticking out in countless directions.  They crawl on shelves in the store, cry in the shopping cart, and listen to my not-so-kind rebukes to behave.  Netflix has become a babysitter more than I’d like to admit and the sugary cereals I told myself I’d never buy are in the pantry on a regular basis.  I raise my voice and have to apologize almost daily for my lack of demonstrating Christ in my behavior.

I get it now.  I understand that keeping shoes off is easier than having to pick them up a million times when they get chucked across the store.  Wiping noses is the least of my concerns when people need to be fed or corralled in order to keep someone from getting injured.  Caring for multiple people is really exhausting, especially when children don’t sleep as well as we’d like, and having them sit in front of the TV for awhile feels more like a lifeline than just a simple break.

To the Mom who will be:  Please, be gracious in your thoughts to those who have gone before you.  Maybe you won’t struggle like I did as I observed the Moms around me.  But before you pass judgment on another’s methods or vow that you’ll never do what they’re doing, realize that there is much more than what meets the eye.  There are countless issues, circumstances, and heart needs that you might not know about.

To all of us:

Give grace.

Let’s practice the ‘one anothers’, even in our thoughts and attitudes toward another Mom.  Be kind, respect, encourage, practice hospitality, love, consider one another better than ourselves.

I’m still learning how to do this as I interact with other Moms and even observe strangers in public.  As much as we might believe in our methods of mothering, no one knows how to do it perfectly.  But, in Christ, we have the power of the One who has made us perfect through His sacrifice on the cross.

I may not be Mom Enough, but I have Christ, and He is enough.

With Love,

An Imperfect, Grace-learning, Jesus-dependent Mom